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[OS] Every Little Soul Must Shine
PERMALINK // POSTED ON: Jun 15 2014, 03:33 PM
Vibrant, bubbly, optimistic, and caring were all good words. They were especially good words if they could be used to describe a teenage girl, creatures that were so often moody and full of angst. They had been used in this way to describe Maizy-Anne, she'd been delightfully free of any angst and the biggest difficulty her father and family had faced was generally in getting her to stop flirting with every guy in sight, and to stop debating everyone. But she didn't feel vibrant now, or bubbly, and all she could see was pessimism... the only thing left to lose was how much she cared. The hybrid cared about everything, she cared with whole hearted abandon for her family especially, and her friends knew they could count on her to support them and help them if ever they just told her how she could help them. She had even done her best to care about people she barely knew, for no better reason than because people she cared about cared about them.
Maizy was only two years old, and going on sixteen... or was it seventeen... she changed her mind depending on what she was trying to do that particular day. But she was essentially two, and she showed her feelings for people in much the same way you might expect a toddler too, though she used words and expressions that were more fitting for a teenager.
Maizy-Anne did her best to be a part of everyone's life... all of it, she wanted to be there for the bad, as well as the good, the ugly, as well as the face they showed to the world. That was how she showed how much she cared. To be closed out of that without any really good reason was the worst thing she could think for someone to do... maybe she could have taken it when Melissa and Peter, who she wasn't sure why she ever bothered with anyway, had done so, but when her family had shut her out it had cut her to the quick.
She had no idea how Melissa felt about her uncle Stiles, Maizy wasn't a mom. But she had a pretty good idea of how Stiles felt towards Mrs. McCall, the woman had been there for his entire life, and he had been there for all of hers. It's why she still occasionally tried to reach out to the stranger, despite the fact that she was stuck up, and obviously didn't care about anyone in the community that she had moved too. It was obvious to Maizy how the nurse felt about people here, obvious she didn't want to try and get to know them, otherwise she wouldn't demand everyone do things her way on everything!
Melissa didn't care about any of the relationships, or bonds formed in their community so why would her uncle take her side, against a family member who only wanted to know what was going on, to be included and allowed to care for and about him?!
The young girl felt closed out, she tried to bounce back like she always had in the past... but she felt like all her springs had been unwound by the rejection, she just went through the motions for a couple of days while she absorbed. It was like waking up to find out the world was flat, and the universe was suddenly finite, with "Dead End" signs posted around the perimeter.
A world where nothing she did mattered, where she didn't matter, where a heart was just an organ that pumped blood and there was nothing deeper or bigger, and she started to shut down a little.
It helped! It helped to pretend she didn't care, or even better, that nothing was wrong. She threw knives and deliberately thought of every single petty thing on the entire flat earth from rail guns to slugs rather than think about feelings, or feeling. For half an hour she felt Okay. Not great, but okay. That would be her new goal, to not care, to be okay, or fine. Maizy wasn't a vampire, she couldn't just flip some mental switch, this was a process. Like learning to meditate, it was a similar skill set, except instead of acknowledging her thoughts or feelings she would have to cast them away.
IT was so hard! Maizy's gut reaction was to do anything for her friends and family, if someone hurt them she would murder the bastards! If they were hurt she would act like a nurse, and do whatever it took to get them better! She had to take baby steps, and slowly approach emotionally dense situations, she had to take breaks. Sometimes it was a break from the situation, sometimes it was a break from her self impose indifference.
The best thing she found for the second was to watch her favorite music video from when she was very little. With the door locked, and a box of tissues she sat there watching a little gray rabbit hopping through a world of nothing but friends and sing about how much he liked who he was, how everyone "must shine". All she could do was shake her head and sniffle bitterly. It wasn't like that Mr. Rabbit, every little soul couldn't shine, sometimes what made you feel the most shiney made the people you cared about push you away. Sometimes you just couldn't shine, and you wondered what good was a soul anyway when it hurt. Mostly though she snffled, as quietly as possible, because the world had been just like that once, but it wasn't anymore. A petty little part of her kinda hoped Mr. Rabbit got turned into a hat for all his lies.
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