She didn’t stay down long, working herself up on her knees, glaring at Ahnnalee as she moved away. Her nails scraping against the concreate in anger as she balled her hands into fists in anger. She could feel herself vibrating with anger, down to her very core as she struggled to control herself. Self control had never been a strong point of hers, and the high emotions made it even more difficult. She just wanted to let it all go and be damned with the consequences. What did it matter if she did anyways?
But she struggled holding on to that small very thin string of control that she held. Because she knew it wouldn’t be just her who got punished by the officials of the rules. But her whole pack. And while she might hate many things, and while she may of felt useless and lost in her pack about her future and place, she would never risk them like that. Not that she would tell them.
Instead she focused on the pain that she could feel. She let it ground her and ground her anger that she felt racing through her veins. ”they did fucking leave me! Maybe not physically, but they left!” She yelled across the parking lot ”It’s not even all about you! Travis doesn’t even act like he knows me! As if I am a stranger! I went from someone who he was fine being and doing what pleases him with, to nothing. And it doesn’t matter how nice I am, it doesn’t matter that I don’t have feelings for him anymore, nothing matters cause I’m nothing.”
Alexia got back to her feet, her fists balled up at her sides with nails digging into her palms while she did. She could feel the cuts forming but she didn’t care. ” Geoff thinks we are nothing because we are female! Do you know that? Do you know how much he thinks we are worth? We are worth to be breeders and maids to him! And I don’t want to be that, and I don’t want to be thought about like that! I want more! I need more!”
”And I don’t even give a fuck anymore that you and Travis are together. Great. Congrats. Fucking wonderful. But I care that my whole past is so insignificant in the long run that I’m not even worth being friends with.” Alexia fought back a sharp sting of tears that brought out in her eyes, quickly trying to shake them off.
She truly had no more feelings for Travis. In fact she had fallen into a very big Crush with one of Trinity’s adopted son’s , Robert Dunn. Out of everyone he was the one who she talked to the most, who talked to her the most, even if it wasn’t that much. But Alexia understood better then anyone. Robert had his own issues to work on, she had her own shit to deal with. And while her feelings were still as strong for him as ever…she would never force that on him, and never push someone she cared about. No matter that she never voiced it.
But it didn’t matter that she didn’t feel things for Travis. The pain still lingered. And the anger and hate along with it. She didn’t know how to get rid of it, if she would ever be rid of it. Ahnnalee said she was doing things wrong all these years, but there was no other way to deal with it. Not for her.