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PERMALINK // POSTED ON: Aug 24 2016, 04:11 PM
Not being in close contact with someone you once spent every waking minute with was enough to put you on edge when you were faced with meeting up with them after going so long without communicating much at all. Addie hated that feeling more than most others; she hated feeling like she was teetering on the edge of something good and something too chaotic to wrap her mind around. It often left a sense of helplessness - that wasn't something she ever needed more of on her plate, as her plate was often plenty full of that feeling as it was.
Tristan had been such a massive piece of Addie's life from (more or less) the beginning. He had seen her through her awkward teenage years that flew by as quickly as a hybrid's years often did and he had been the best friend that someone like Addie could have ever hoped for. She had made more than a few bad decisions, that was no secret, and he had dragged her out of each and every single one of those.
She liked to think that perhaps she had helped him through challenges of his own but looking back, Addie - at times - thought that most of his challenges and most of his problems had been because of her. All of the drama and the chaos in his own life had been sparked by her uncertain heart flickering between him and Brayden much as all of the worry in his life stemmed from her choices to let vampires feed on her or for her to attempt to take her own life.
They had been good together, there was no doubting that, but she liked to think that they were better apart, at least romantically speaking. There had been a freedom that had come to her, knowing that he wouldn't be responsible for her record-breaking decision making anymore. That she would be accountable for her own mistakes and she would be the one paying the consequences from then on out rather than him always owing all the metaphorical fines.
That wasn't to say that there was no longer love there. There was and she was fairly certain their always would be; choosing someone as your mate ensured that bond, but it didn't always ensure a long-lasting romantic relationship. It just promised that both parties would always be there for each other in whatever capacity they were needed. A lover, a mentor, a best friend...
It might be a bit selfish of her to assume that she could try and convince him to settle for being a best friend to someone he loved as much as he had - and likely did still - love her. She was off the market now, much as the diamond ring on her left ring finger indicated, so that was all the brunette had to offer. Maybe it was too much of her to ask for, and maybe it wasn't enough for him to accept, but she supposed there was only one way to figure that out for certain, and that was to follow through with her offer to meet up with him for the first time in so long.
Especially when so much had changed... Her hair was longer than it was a year ago when she had cut it all off to her shoulders, but he hadn't been around for that. Still, it was shorter (and lighter in colour) from the last time he would have seen her. She often wore less drastic make up and opted for nudes, naturals and neutrals but her clothing style - much as it always had been - was her own.
Addie had arrived to the venue of her choosing a solid half an hour early. With all of the flooding happening in the State and the continued downpour in New Orleans, she had wanted to arrive safe, sound and on time even if that meant arriving a touch earlier than she had intended. It was better than finding all the routes flushed out last minute.
That gave her the opportunity to order a glass of white wine before he showed up, something to take the edge off, or so she hoped. Not many knew that Addie continued to struggle with a dependency on alcohol - not so much drugs anymore, but she did have her temptations. The less she had spoken of it or been caught on a liquor binge, the less people attempted to offer her help or steer her away from one of the few coping mechanisms she had found most successful.
She didn't plan to get on trashed - she still had a first impression to make after all these years - but Addie, now on her second glass, knew that she'd be able to tolerate three drinks. Getting through the first without him around to see it would only have him witnessing two which was perfectly acceptable for a lunch date. The first drink would be her dirty little secret.
PERMALINK // POSTED ON: Oct 5 2016, 07:18 PM
Reaching out to Addie for the first time in at least two years was something that had taken quite a bit of effort. Talking to the love of his existance shouldn't have been something that proved to be so difficult but when that person had met someone else two years ago and married them a year ago, there were new lines and he hadn't been sure where the new boundaries were and which ones had exceptions.
Still, finding out that her mom had passed away was big and with a few exceptions in the past three years there weren't many big moments that he hadn't been there for. He probably should have reached out to her much sooner than he had. Holding back from checking in on her had been hard, painful even. At least he'd finally done it though.
Checking in with her had lead to the two of them making plans to meet up with each other for the first time in a couple of years and it should have been something that made the hybrid boy feel like he could breathe again. Instead, it turned him into a nervous wreck. It had been what felt to him like a small eternity since the last time that he had heard her voice, let alone since he had seen her face.
When they had first separated, he'd tried to keep in touch and he'd kept tabs on her as best he could but then she'd met Jackson and little by little he and Addie had drifted. He hadn't really meant to lose contact altogether but she had seemed happy and he'd chosen to bury himself in his work and his family to escape the fact that deep inside - he wasn't.
He wondered if she still sounded the same, what length or color her hair might be now, if she still wore the same style of clothes or did her makeup in the same way that she had when he'd been close to her. He wondered what she might feel when she saw his face or what she might say. He wondered if words would escape him entirely. All he had to do was step inside the small cafe that she had chosen. The moment he stepped inside, he wouldn't have to wonder anymore.
There was just one problem. Now that he was standing outside, his legs felt heavy like lead. Closing his blue eyes, Tristan inhaled a deep breath of the air that surrounded him. As he did so, his senses began to focus and he heard something. Something that he knew so well that it drew him forward like a magnet. He stepped forward as he opened his eyes, pushing on the door in front of him so that he could walk in.
Once inside, he let her heartbeat guide him to the table where she had chosen to sit. He stopped several feet away, his breath hitching in his throat when he saw her. Her hair was both shorter and lighter than it had been the last time he'd seen her and her makeup wasn't as edgy but she was still the most beautiful person he had ever seen. He was pretty sure that she always would be.
"Hey ..." his voice was soft but not so soft that she wouldn't hear it as he took the necessary steps to close the gap between him and her table.
PERMALINK // POSTED ON: Nov 5 2016, 10:44 PM
There was absolutely no denying that Addie hadn't so much as started to deal with the death of her mother, let alone found herself in a healthy place after the grief had been dealt with. She and her mother had most definitely not been on the best of terms, so learning - from her father, at that - that her mother's life had been taken had been a hard pill to swallow. Rather, one Addie was still refusing to swallow at all.
It was a topic she avoided at any and all cost. Maybe that wasn't entirely right of her - it was extremely selfish, given her brother likely still needed someone to talk to in regards to their mother's passing - but it was too much to handle and as far as Addie was concerned, she feared it would be one of the many lingering things that was desperate to finally push her over the edge, so why confront it?
She knew that Tristan had likely heard about her mother's death which had her heart racing the more she thought about it. She wasn't quite sure if she was ready to talk about it let alone answer the questions everyone had likely been longing to ask - what happened, where it happened, how it had happened...
The thought of that had Addie taking another sip of her white wine just in time for her to hear the sound of her name being spoken with an achingly familiar voice.
Placing the glass down, she was silent for those few seconds as her heart rate had picked up both in surprise that she had been too distracted with her own thoughts to make herself aware of his presence before he had approached her table, and silent because in that brief moment, she felt as though she might pass out.
The brunette hybrid wasn't sick - nowhere near, in fact - but the shock of this situation actually happening had definitely caught up to her right then and right there. Maybe there was a piece of her (a small piece, of course) that had thought - and hoped - he wouldn't show up. She wasn't looking to be angry with him... it was just an easy way out that left her not having to face something that had needed to be faced for quite some time.
Clearing her throat gently, Addie offered him the faintest of nervous smiles. "Hey there..." It felt almost awkward and unnecessary to offer such a simple greeting when the two had never left each other's side for the longest time... A kiss every time they parted and a kiss every time they were reunited. There had never been a need for any other form of greetings and Addie would be lying if she were to say that she didn't feel a pang of sadness upon realizing that that just wasn't in the cards for them right now. There was no sudden hope of rekindling the romance they had thrived on for so long... There was no glimmer of probability in mending what they had reluctantly broken.
That was really the biggest difference: every small space between their past break-ups had been filled with the knowledge that someday, somehow, they'd make things right and end up back together once and for all. It was heart-wrenching, knowing that was gone.
"You can join me, you know... You don't have to stand the whole time." That faint, nervous smile turned into a slightly brighter one that finally found the corners of her lips as she gestured to the seat across from her. This wasn't going to be easy - for either of them - but the fact that they were both at least trying... well, that meant the world as far as Addie was concerned.
PERMALINK // POSTED ON: Nov 7 2016, 05:14 PM
Standing there in front of her, it was natural for Tristan to want to bend his head and meet her lips with his own. The realization that he couldn't ... shouldn't ... it was like pouring salt into the open wound that lived inside of him as he tried to come to grips once again with the fact that she was no longer his.
He hadn't meant to stand there in silence for so long, but he hadn't trusted himself to remain composed if he tried to move even the smallest of muscles. If he just stood there, he knew it would seem awkward but it also meant that the only indication of his internal turmoil would be the sadness residing behind his blue eyes. They weren't quite as bright as they had been once and surely that would be noticeable but he could easily blame that on something else like exhaustion.
When she responded to his own quiet greeting, her voice sounded almost exactly as he had remembered it but there was also something different about it, something he couldn't quite put his finger on. "Sorry I'm late." he commented, though he wasn't really sure that he was, in fact, late. Knowing Addie, she had just been early. He stood there for a few moments more until she said something about it in typical Adelaide-fashion.
"No, I know." he mumbled, sliding his hoodie off of his shoulders so that he could lay it across the back of the chair. "Sorry" he told her, finally lowering himself to sit down across from her. His blue eyes watched her, examining her in a way as if he was trying to commit this version of her to his memory along with every other picture of her that resided deep within his mind.
"How have you been?" It might have been a stupid question to ask considering some of the things that he knew she was going through, but it had been years since the two of them had really been involved in one another's lives and they had to start somewhere. Right? So, as generic as it felt to him, he hoped that she would see that he was trying.
PERMALINK // POSTED ON: Dec 2 2016, 12:16 AM
One thing that Addie had always been well aware of was just how choosing a mate often worked for a werewolf. Just because a wolf decided to dedicate himself to a female totally and completely didn't always mean they were destined to be together romantically; Claire and Quil were living proof of such.
Granted, Addie also knew that Quil had messed that relationship up more than he ever likely thought possible. Things had bordered on abusive for the longest of times before Claire had finally come to her senses and had decided to end things and move on with her life. A lot of people had applauded her back then; she hoped no one took the same stance as far as she and Tristan were concerned.
Their relationship had never been toxic like that, they had just been so damn young when they had tried to dedicate themselves to each other. Too young to fully comprehend just what that entailed. It was impossible to love somebody that thoroughly and that completely before you were even old enough to truly love yourself; Addie had jumped from relationship to relationship so damn quickly because she had always been looking for love in all the wrong places. Hoping and praying that someone - anyone - would love her more than she was able to love herself at that point in time.
Naturally, their lives had led them in different directions. They had needed to figure out who they were as people and learn to embrace their potential; that was just the way life went sometimes. It wasn't unheard of, but that didn't' necessarily make it any less painful at the same time.
The brunette hybrid wouldn't lie: there was a sense of awkwardness as Tristan stood there in front of her in complete silence and it was in those few brief moments that Addie contemplated making a run for it. She could be out of the nearest exit in a matter of seconds if she really dedicated herself to that cause and then she could put this entire thing behind her as if it hadn't even really happened.
Maybe there was a small piece of her that was aiming towards that outcome; she felt her body tense up as if she were about to grab her purse and dash for it, but there was a certain sadness lingering in Tristan's eyes that had her pushing that thought as far back in her mind as she could manage.
His apology for being late went unaccepted, not because Addie was trying to be rude - she wasn't - but because she didn't feel as though an apology were even necessary. She had arrived early so her waiting had been her own doing whereas Tristan seemed to be more on time than she had been.
The brunette took a sip of her white wine as Tristan removed his hoodie, draped it along the back of his chair and took a seat across from her. She was certain she probably looked about as different yet familiar to him as he did to her. It was strange how that worked... It was still the same face, the same smile and the same voice she had always known, but there were small differences in everything about him now. Those little ways that time had changed him behind her back.
The question that he asked her was one she had anticipated; it was typical for them to ask the other how they were doing and given the years of distance between them, it seemed like the proper way to start things even if Addie still had absolutely no idea how to answer that question.
Part of her wanted to blurt out everything she had been bottling up inside of her for the last year. Her anger and her resentment towards her parents, the hurt and grief she still felt after learning of her mother's death... She wanted to vent just like she always used to vent to Tristan before finally crying because it had been so damn long since she had taken the time to cry... but opening up that floodgate wouldn't do either of them any good.
"I've been doing alright; a lot of big changes." Some were good - like the start of her own business away from the one she still shared with Quinn - and others were a bit more tragic than that. "I did get impaled by a piece of rebar when someone attempted to level the Glades about a year and a half ago, so I'm still as accident prone as ever..."
While that accident had been quite a serious injury at that point in time, Addie could only hope that the small smile that lingered in her lips showed that she was attempting to break the ice with a morbid inside joke only she would ever come up with.
PERMALINK // POSTED ON: Dec 5 2016, 12:26 PM
As difficult as it was for the young man to sit there as if he hadn't known the brunette across from him for all of their young lives and as if they hadn't once been everything to each other, he knew that he had to do it.
Although he had further buried himself with his family when he had heard that she was moving on, there was still an ache that resided deep within him and it was one that he hadn't been able to shake. While maybe the world had thought that he couldn't be in her life as anything less than her love, he knew that he needed her in his, even if only as a friend.
They had tried to be friends a few times throughout their younger years but they had always ended up falling right back into the romance of it all. Tristan had learned how to love Addie before he'd ever really known the concept of romantic love at all.
Everything about her had taught him how to love her and he had, he still did and very likely always would. Unlike his parents, though, he and Addie would not be the forever kind of romance. There was absolutely a forever love but it wasn't one that would hold them together and that would always sting on some level.
In spite of their history when it came to building a friendship, he was determined to give it his best effort. In the past, he had always known on some level that they were destined to be together. As much as he still felt that way now, he also knew that things had changed in a way that they never had before.
She was married now ... someone's wife. While that hurt him beyond measure, it would hurt him more to have an ongoing distance between them. Save for the last couple of years, they had always been involved with each other on one level or another. They had needed the time apart, probably, but he couldn't stand it anymore and he needed to try to mend that bridge ... or maybe build a new one.
As he sat there in front of her, his sad eyes studying her face as if she might vanish at any given moment, he was almost startled by the sound of her voice as she answered his question about how she had been. His eyes now focused on hers as she told him that she had been alright but that there had been a lot of big changes.
'Like marriage' he thought to himself, though he bit his tongue in that regard and instead asked her, "What kind of changes?" He knew some of them for himself as far as her business and her mother went as well as her marriage, but perhaps there were others that he wasn't aware of or perhaps he just wanted to let her tell him for herself because that was part of building a friendship. Right?
His eyebrow quirked in a less than amused fashion as she made reference to an injury that had taken place a little over a year ago. That was one that he hadn't heard about, but it was probably good that he hadn't. Tristan had a tendency to either live in the waiting room or her hospital room whenever he knew that the hybrid female was hurt in any way.
That certainly could have been awkward for the both of them at that point. Not that he had much cared about that when he had stayed by her side while she had been involved with Brayden a number of years ago, but Brayden hadn't been her husband.
"You know ..." he commented, voice almost a whisper before growing a fraction in volume so as to be more easily heard. "It wouldn't be so terrible if things like that changed." His eyes seemed to search her body at that point, not that he could really see anything at all but it was natural for him to look her over in such a way.
It was almost as if he was searching for confirmation that she was, in fact, okay. "I'm sorry ..." he told her, though he did not explain for what. She might wonder or if she still knew him as well as she once had, she might just know. He felt guilty. There was no possible way that her injury could have been his fault but he still felt guilty for not being around to be able to at least try to protect her.
He had promised her once that he would never leave her again and while that promise isn't very realistic, the two of them had their own understanding of it and in his mind - he had broken it yet again. "You're okay, now?" He was refering specifically to the injury, he knew there were other things in her life that 'okay' didn't apply to right now even if they weren't talking about them yet.
The small smile on her lips let him know that she was trying to make things less strained between them. He appreciated that, though it wasn't her sole responsibility. "Look, there's no way for me to say this without it being weird so I'm just going to say it." ...
He paused, searching her gaze momentarily before he continued. "I know that you've had a lot going on and that I haven't really been someone you could count on the last couple years but I'm here if you do want to talk about that stuff and if not ... then we won't ... but, I'm here."
PERMALINK // POSTED ON: Jan 21 2017, 10:28 PM
No one said that showing up to meet with Tristan was going to be easy; Addie knew that this was probably going to be one of the hardest things that she would ever have to do. Not the hardest - she had survived quite a bit in her short life - but definitely far from the easiest.
Had the two just put aside their pride and their egos and just settled on keeping in touch - even if only just as friends - this wouldn't be happening. They wouldn't have had to reconnect because they would have been in each others lives the whole time, even if it wasn't in a romantic fashion. It was still in both of their best interests to be in each others lives; they still cared for each other and wanted the best for each other which is all that really mattered at the end of the day. It was important to hang onto that, wherever you could find it, even if it wasn't the most conventional of things.
Still, Addie had to admit there was a bit of humour in watching his eyebrow quirk up as rapidly as it had; it was almost nostalgic... That same eyebrow raising every time he had ever learned that she had done something dangerous behind his back or that she had been thinking of doing something that could possibly put her into harms way. Granted, that raised eyebrow had always come with a rather extensive lecture that, nine times out of ten, led to a heated argument between the two, but that was beside the point.
Grinning, showing just how amused she was with that simple raise of his eyebrow, Addie shrugged her shoulders gently. "I don't know, it kinda keeps things interesting! When I'm bored, I don't have to wait long before someone's trying to off me; keeps me on my toes..." Her tone was playful, but that didn't mean anything at all. Addie had been equally as playful in the past - if not more so - and had still earned quite the hefty lecture from the male hybrid regardless.
"It was a long while ago; a year or two. I healed up and I was sent home within the week. I've never had a single set-back since then. No injured internal organs, no issues with the scar tissue, nothing." She hoped that that would put his likely-frantic mind at ease, but that was wishful thinking; even Addie knew that by now.
It was a nice icebreaker, she supposed. Something to at least give her something to smile about before Tristan was letting her know that e was there for her after all that had happened - like her mother's passing. It still wasn't something that Addie was too comfortable thinking about let alone talking about - truth be told, she hadn't done much of either as of yet - but there was a small comfort in knowing that at least one person in her life was willing to listen to her if she did decide to open up about it.
"I... thank you. I know we haven't really been able to be there for each other, but I want you to know that I'd like for that to change. Even if it's slowly... I want it to change." Because she wanted to be there for him just as much as he was wanting to be there for her.
PERMALINK // POSTED ON: Feb 2 2017, 02:53 AM
Addie's playful words did not bring a smile to Tristan's lips. Instead, he seemed to be concerned that she felt something like that was amusing. Some part of him understood that she was just trying to ease the awkward tension between them, but another part of him - the part that had always prioritized her above all else - couldn't shake the feeling that she might be serious despite her playful tone of voice.
He opened his mouth, his instinct to say something about how she needed to be more cautious but nothing came out. Instead, his mouth closed and a soft sigh escaped his lips. "Well ... I'm glad they're all incompetent." The fact that she was still alive and well was proof enough of that. As the conversation continued, he couldn't help himself as he allowed his blue eyes to glance over her body.
It was instinct, on his part, to ensure that she was visibly unharmed at the very least. He told her that he was sorry, not going into detail as to why because she would be able to piece that together without his help. He listened to her as she explained how long ago it had happened and how quickly she had been on the mend and able to return home. "I'm sure you just loved that," he responded a bit too quickly, his mind taking him back to the memory of Addie's utter and complete disdain towards being in the hospital for any amount of time whatsoever.
She had often pleaded with him to help her break out and when he wouldn't, she would turn to other friends. Sometimes she was being playful, but other times he knew how serious she had been. Hospitals had never been a place that she was fond of. "I'm glad that you're okay ... that you've been okay." he told her softly, his blue eyes finding hers and lingering on them for a moment or two. After a few moments of a less uncomfortable silence between the two hybrids, Tristan felt it best to just rip the band-aid off, so to speak.
He spoke of how he hadn't been the most reliable person in her life lately but that he wanted to change that. He wanted to be there for her the way he once had been. He knew that she may not want to talk about the heavier subjects but he also wanted her to know that he was there for her if she needed him. They had once been the best of friends, even before they had been lovers, and he hoped that they could find their way back to that place.
Addie started to speak, stopped, and then started again which had Tristan listening with rapt attention. He was eager to hear her response despite his case of nerves at that moment in time. When he heard her thank him, he was kind of surprised. It wasn't that she had ever been bad at expressing her appreciation, he simply hadn't been expecting that to be what she said. "You don't have to do that." he murmured in response to her gratitude.
Soon, she was speaking again. Her words made him feel pained and warm all at once. Part of him wished that he could go back and do things differently even though he knew that he couldn't. He'd thought about it thousands of times over the years, though. Each time, he did something different or he said something different and he changed the outcome of his relationship with her each and every time.
Of course, that was purely in his own mind and wasn't the reality of the situation. He tried to smile when she told him that she wanted it to change. He could tell that she meant it, but being near her and talking like this despite the fact that he had started it, well ... it was hard. A lot harder than he possibly could have fathomed. "I do too ..." he confided, his voice almost a whisper.
"It will," he declared, though his voice remained soft. Although he didn't say the actual words, he was making a promise to her and he knew that she would be able to grasp that. "We will change it."
PERMALINK // POSTED ON: Mar 11 2017, 11:50 PM
Addie wasn't at all oblivious to the fact that Tristan's eyes were roaming over her body; she knew it wasn't a sexual gesture - she knew him well enough to know he wouldn't dare act suggestively towards her in public while she was technically in another relationship. His lingering, exploratory gaze was to ensure she was telling the truth and that she hadn't been harmed a couple of years ago.
Still, it was hard for Addie to refrain from giving him a hard time; even back when they had been together, she had been notorious for cracking jokes at the most inopportune times if only to see just how far she could push his patience... and just how many times she could force him to crack a smile.
"I know I look good, but my eyes are up here..." She was falling back into that same easiness that had always lingered between them; her eyes felt brighter and her smile wider as each second flickered on past. It had always been impossible for things between them to remain tense, even when they had been at their absolute worst; she could see how crazy it was for her to have ever worried that wouldn't be the case this time around.
It was going to be a long, sometimes bitter road for them, but it was growing more and more apparent that there wasn't much the two of them wanted more than being able to mend the bridges they had both thought had burned long ago. There was just to much damn history between them to ignore the fact that they belonged in each others lives; everyone knew it. No one had dared deny that they had been made for each other when they had been together or that they had been the best of friends when romance wasn't in their vocabulary.
Had things fallen apart? Absolutely, but things had fallen apart before and they had been able to pick the pieces up together and rebuild something stronger. Maybe this time, it'd be hurricane-resistant and they'd be able to withstand whatever dared damage them the next time around.
His words held a promise; one that wasn't spoken but one she could feel. Tristan had always had a way to follow through with anything he offered her; sometimes it felt as if he took things as literally as they could come. Now of all times, Addie found herself admiring that.
"It'll take some time, but I have all the time in the world... I guess I'm just sort of sitting here hoping you're willing to give me all the time it'll take for us to make things right again..."
It was okay if that wasn't what he was wanting; if he wanted to go back to the way things had been, that was up to him, but sitting there across from him had Addie realizing that for her, there was no 'going back'. He had been her best friend her entire life; if nothing else, she needed that back if she ever expected to be able to feel whole again.
PERMALINK // POSTED ON: Mar 19 2017, 04:29 PM
Tristan's blue eyes lifted to meet Addie's gaze as her playful words brought a genuine smirk to his lips. It was surprising - though it shouldn't have been - just how easily he could feel comfortable around her once again. She had always been such a vital part of his existence and while the Addie-shaped hole in his heart and his life had definitely done significant damage over the years, he loved her. He had always loved her in one capacity or another and he knew with absolute certainty that there would not be a day that went by where he didn't.
"Sorry," he murmured. "No ... Actually, I'm not." he quickly countered his own apology, "I'll never be sorry for caring about you. Following his words was a small shrug of his shoulders as he maintained eye contact with the hybrid across from him. As the conversation proceeded from there, each of them shared their feelings on the relationship between them but it was Adelaide's last few words that had sealed the deal for him.
He had known that he needed her back in his life in whatever way that she would accept him, but now he knew something more. She needed him in hers, too. "I'm here." he assured her, though he too had been hoping for the same thing. "However long it takes." It was another silent promise as he resisted the urge to reach for her hand.
"I hope you're willing to do the same for me."
PERMALINK // POSTED ON: Apr 2 2017, 03:12 PM
Addie couldn't deny that there had been days where she had been left to wonder just what happened to an imprint when it was neglected for so long in any context. Where she had Tristan had not been lovers let alone friends, it was hard not to wonder if that had taken a physical, mental or emotional toll on him where he was the one that was so greatly impacted by the imprint. It was an intricate, vital piece of him whereas it was Addie that had always been the one that simply benefited from it; she loved him, there was no question about that nor had there ever been, but she wasn't the one stuck feeling that nagging impact of an imprint whose needs weren't being met.
Another soft smile found the brunette hybrid's lips as he rebuked his apology; it wasn't the first time that he had refused to apologize for caring about her, after all, and Addie knew that it likely wouldn't be the last time. She was perfectly okay with that, though. She couldn't quite explain why, but it had always been a bit of a comfort knowing no matter what she said or did, no matter how hurt or broken she felt, there was always that one person out there in the world that would never stop caring about her. Was that a little selfish? Perhaps... but everyone deserved a single shred of selfishness every now and again, didn't they?
That was precisely why Addie knew that he wasn't going to refuse to agree with her need for the time required to properly mend things between them. Their lives had never been perfect, be they together or apart. Time had put a lot of distance between them and their imperfections which meant they were going to have to relearn the ins and outs of all the damage that had been done to them in each others' absence.
"Thank you... I mean, I know I probably don't deserve much compassion or understanding from you; I could have done a whole lot more to at least try to keep the line of communication open between us over these last few years..." Given all that she had been through, it was hard not to feel like she deserved to feel guilty or to blame for everything negative that happened in her life. She was the common denominator, after all, was she not?
Granted, even Addie knew that those feelings weren't at all logical, but that didn't always encourage them to vacate her mind. It was something she understood she would need professional help overcoming, though she hadn't exactly reached out to anyone in the psychological field to better her situations or her mindsets. It was on her list of things she had to do, but Addie knew she had to start prioritizing herself, her health and her own needs before she ever got to a point where it wouldn't exactly matter anymore.
Taking a sip of the drink in front of her, Addie nodded gently as he asked for the same. He, too, wanted time to be able to truly mend everything between them, and seeing as she had just asked that of him, she had no qualms in agreeing to the same.
"You can have all the time you need." Her words were spoken as she placed her glass back down in the table in front of her. "I mean, maybe that's why things will be so much different this time around? We were always so eager to rush that we never really talked things out; we just jumped right back in like everything was always okay..." And while sometimes there was nothing wrong with that, it wasn't something that had ever really benefited she or Tristan in the long run. "I think this will be good..."
PERMALINK // POSTED ON: Apr 18 2017, 02:36 PM
"Hey, No. None of that." he spoke softly, as she tried to take responsibility for the fact that they had eventually stopped communicating altogether after she had left. As much as he had wanted to blame her in the beginning, he had stopped trying too. His efforts had minimized when she had started seeing Jackson and then they had ceased altogether when she had gotten married. He had felt hopeless and helpless and he couldn't handle it.
"We both could have tried harder ... it's just that after a certain point ..." he paused, wondering if there was a way that he could word himself that wouldn't further make her feel responsible. She might have influenced his decision but he had been the one to make it. He could have fought harder when Jackson had come into her life but he had just felt so defeated.
"It's not all on you." he added before their conversation pressed forward to him asking her for the same thing that she had just asked of him. He nodded when she agreed in return that he could have all the time that he needed much as he had just done for her. "Yeah, maybe." he agreed as she commented about things being so much better this time because they weren't rushing.
"Sometimes it was okay ..." he replied, though he knew that she had a point. "I'm sure you're right though." He glanced down at the table and then over at her drink. "Have you eaten? I'm a little hungry."
PERMALINK // POSTED ON: Jun 11 2017, 03:27 PM
Both Addie and Tristan seemed to understand just how ill-advised young love was and needed to be; it was beautiful in and of itself, there was no denying that... but young love - true or otherwise - wasn't wise. It didn't come with the wisdom that many years of trial and error brought along with it, nor did it possess the finesse needed to navigate some of the extremely difficult situations that today's couples were often faced with.
It was brave, bold, messy and immature. T Here was no denying that then, nor was there any denying it now. They had fought for all the right reasons in the right moments... but they had fought for all the wrong reasons every other moment of every other day. The little things that shouldn't have mattered somehow... did. Fights that had no room in their relationship manifested out of thin air, as if they couldn't breathe without conflict.
Part of Addie would always wish they had waited. That they had taken a little more time to develop their friendship and their bond with each other before ever embarking on a romantic relationship. A great many people had warned them, of course... Though both Tristan and Addie had been far too stubborn and far too set in their ways to have ever listened.
Fools in love, yes?
He was right, blindingly so. After a certain point, there had to be an end to the madness they had kept on repeat for years. The desperateness of their young love had to cease; perhaps it could have grown into something that would have survived the years, but Addie had been quick to move on and Tristan had been quick to give in to defeat.
A small smile found her lips as he seemed eager to add that sometimes things had been okay. He did have a point, though she wasn't as eager to admit that just yet.
Shaking her head in reply to his question, she pointed to the drink she was already half-way through. "I didn't want to order without you so I settled on a glass of wine until you got here." Well, two glasses of wine, but that wasn't information that she was willing to hand over, either. "What're you having?"
PERMALINK // POSTED ON: Jun 28 2017, 03:31 PM
There wasn't a person in the world that would ever be able to convince the young hybrid that his time with Addie had been a mistake. Perhaps things had not always been easy for them but nothing that was worth having ever came easy, did it? That was what Theodore Roosevelt had believed, anyway. Tristan believed it too.
Even as they sat there discussing their past and how things had become so messed up between them, there was a part of him that wanted to convince her that it had all been his fault and that he shouldn't have let her leave or that he should have fought harder for her. In some ways, that was true. While the separation itself had been amicable, he should have and could have done something more to make her stay but then ... would she have grown to resent him if he had kept her from her dreams? Did she resent him now for not making her stay?
His head spun with the possibilities, his attention only truly shifting focus when her voice reached his ears and gave him something to latch onto. A small smile crept over his lips as she confessed that she hadn't wanted to order without him and had simply indulged in a single glass of wine. "I'm not really sure what I'm in the mood for. Do you know what you're having?"
PERMALINK // POSTED ON: Jul 29 2017, 09:24 PM
It hadn't been all that long ago that Addie had sworn to herself that she would never put herself into any future situations with Tristan. She was trying to move on, and while Tristan had never so much as shown an interest in moving on, himself, she always knew that if he maybe tried to do just that, he, too, would find happiness.
Deep down, Addie knew that his happiness (and her happiness) had come from the times that they had spent together and it was well beyond selfish to demand he try and extinguish that happiness only to trade it in for something he didn't want.
In hindsight - which always seemed to be 20/20, did it not? - Addie knew that they could have separated just as amicably as they had, and they could have gone on to do their own thing. Addie could have worked on her fashion lines and Tristan could have pursued whatever it was his life was lacking while they both grew up into the people that they needed to be in order to be together happily.
Had they done that, the time would have come where they could reunite without the drama, the petty fights, the break-ups and the make-ups, but they hadn't been that wise. Instead, they had separated and desperate attempts to move on had been made; even Addie could admit to that much. Jumping into a marriage so quickly wasn't the smartest decision a girl her age could have made for herself, but everything came with a lesson needing to be learned. Everything.
Tristan's words pulled her mind from the thoughts that seemed to be rapidly pacing about, plaguing her mood with the thousands of things she had tried to suppress for the longest time. Her blue eyes finding his as she bit down on her bottom lip gently and shrugged her shoulders.
Truth be told? Addie hadn't given much thought to the actual meal itself when she and Tristan had decided to finally take the steps towards dining together. She had been so damn focused on the conversations that were sure to come about that she hadn't so much as glanced at a menu prior to his arrival.
"I was ravenous before I came; I haven't eaten all day..." Mainly because she had been hoping to have a big dinner since she knew so much conversation would be taking place. If she had a plate to pick at, it'd serve as a decent enough distraction during the harder parts of the conversations sure to come up. "Now I don't think I could stomach anything; I feel like I'm so nervous I could puke..."
A small smile touched her lips as a slight blush found her warm cheeks. She hated that she could still feel this anxious around Tristan after having spent so long separating herself from him and the past they had once shared, but Addie knew better than to try and fight it off. When had that ever worked in her favour?
PERMALINK // POSTED ON: Sep 21 2017, 04:44 PM
As Addie confessed that she had been ravenous prior to meeting him because she hadn't eaten all day, there was a part of Tristan that wanted to tell her how unhealthy that was and that she needed to take better care of herself, that he needed her to take better care of herself. However, he managed to refain from doing so. She wasn't his property - she wasn't anyone's. She also wasn't his responsibility anymore even if he would never truly cop to that.
Her next words pulled his attention like a magnet and the smile on her face brought a chuckle from his lips. "Oh? So I make you nauseous, now?" he teased in an effort to lighten the mood between them. "I know that I've changed but I didn't think that I had become that ugly," he teased further with a smirk on his lips. Tristan was far from an ugly individual and he know it, even if he chose not to be vain about it.
His eyes watched her features to see how she would react to his teasing remarks. It was impossible to keep the smirk off of his lips though and after a few moments longer, he laughed out loud and shook his head gently back and forth. "Will you at least try? Even if all you do is pick off of my plate?" It wouldn't be the first time she had ever done so and while he may have complained about it a time or two in the past, he wouldn't be opposed this time.
PERMALINK // POSTED ON: Oct 26 2017, 08:15 PM
Addie knew that Tristan knew he didn't make her nauseous, but she also knew that there was a very, very strong probability that he was likely feeling equally as nervous as she currently was. It wasn't like two exes meeting up to catch up was something that happened very often, nor was it an organic situation, even if it was between two people that had loved - and still loved - each other quite passionately.
If this were a dinner with anyone else, Addie knew that she wouldn't be nearly as anxiety-ridden as she currently was, but how did she communicate that? At what point was it acceptable for them to admit just how twisted this situation really was? Had they stayed in contact, catching up wouldn't have been an issue at all, but both had faulted so greatly and so drastically that almost everything about it felt completely foreign.
That said, she knew that at some point, it would be addressed. It was a painfully awkward thought, knowing that there would be discussions about what had transpired between them, what they had been up to since then, why they hadn't stayed in contact... Nothing about this was meant to be comfortable; that much she knew... but perhaps she had been silently wishing that things would gravitate naturally back into familiar territory without much help.
"You do seem to be growing more facial hair, and I did like the smooth looks back then..." Back when facial hair had been a sign of being too old for someone her age whereas now it was right up her alley, or so it seemed. "So, I wouldn't say that you make me nauseous, but the obvious physical changes are definitely repulsive..." A far cry from the truth - both would surely know that - but the playful teasing between them was definitely help ease her anxiety, so why not keep it going?
Taking a sip of that second glass of wine that she had been holding onto like the holy grail, Addie shook her head gently at Tristan's next words. As tempting as it was to steal a French fry or two from his plate - something she had always done just to push his buttons - the last thing she wanted to do was feed a nauseous stomach something to spit back up, or feed her body something that would soak up the effects of the alcohol she was using to keep herself from crumbling into a nervous wreck.
"I'm probably going to order something to take home and eat later; I'm mostly here for the wine and the desserts..." Because even though she knew she wouldn't be able to stomach an entire meal, Addie sure as hell knew she wouldn't say no to anything chocolate...
PERMALINK // POSTED ON: Nov 2 2017, 02:04 PM
Tristan's hand came up to lightly run his fingers against his chin as Addie commented that he seemed to be growing a bit more facial hair and that she had always liked the smoother look. While he did know that she teasing him due to her tone and the fact that she took the joke a step further by calling him repulsive, he still made an internal note to be clean-shaven the next time they got together. He wasn't exactly bushy now - far from it - but he did know that he was a little bit prickly.
A soft scoff left his lips, though a grin tugged at the corners. "Gee, thanks for the ego boost." he teased with a light shake of his head. He watched as she lifted her wine glass and took a sip from it. He suggested that she at least pick at his plate if he ordered something when she made it known that she hadn't really eaten anything but she shook her head. He wanted to tell her that wine wasn't good for an empty stomach but she knew that already. However, while the words did not leave his mouth per se, they did linger in his gaze.
Perhaps it was that unspoken concern that had her speaking up to let him know she might order something to take home and eat later. He tilted his head as if silently challenging that claim but he couldn't help but smirk as she admit that she was mainly there for wine and dessert. "Of course," he replied. It was evident from his tone that he was amused by this portion of her answer.
"How 'bout something chocolate? My treat."
PERMALINK // POSTED ON: Nov 14 2017, 12:44 PM
A beaming smirk found the brunette hybrid's lips as Tristan sarcastically thanked her for the "ego-boost" she had so tauntingly offered him. Truthfully, she thought he was physically appealing with or without the added texture of facial hair, but that went without saying.
"That's what I'm here for!" She could feel that familiar warming from the wine she had already consumed and the glass she continued to sip on. Her chest and her face felt flushed and she could feel that familiar buzz setting in. She wasn't pushing to get wine-drunk during her first meet-up with Tristan; that was the last thing she wanted, but a little bit of a liquored-buzz wasn't going to kill anyone. If anything, it'd only make her a little more eager to open up and talk to him rather than cower beneath the awkwardness of the entire situation.
Already Addie was able to see through his gaze that he wasn't exactly impressed with her choice to forgo food altogether. He knew of her tolerance - how much she could drink before it really started to affect her - and he had always been so damn attuned to every part of her being that she shouldn't have been surprised that he'd be monitoring her even a few minutes into their dinner.
It was her stating that she was mostly there for the wine and the dessert that she knew would have him feeling less worry over her empty stomach. She hadn't even realized that it was her attempt to soothe those worries until she had seen his reaction to her mentioning it.
"I could definitely go for something chocolate..." When couldn't Addie go for something chocolate? Besides, chocolate always went well with wine. "But I don't mind waiting for you to order and eat; you're probably starving."
PERMALINK // POSTED ON: Dec 5 2017, 10:49 AM
As Addie teasingly stated that boosting his ego was why she was there, Tristan found himself responding before he could even think. "You're here for a lot more than that." It was almost as though he was trying to assure her of her place in his life and how important it was without even genuinely realizing that that's what he was doing. It had just been so long since the two had been part of each others' worlds and there was a piece of him, however, suppressed it may have been that wanted her to know that he still needed her.
The conversation continued and he found himself watching her, while he may have been subconsciously monitoring her as a force of habit, he was also admiring her. It may not have been appropriate given that she was a married woman now but he couldn't quite help himself. She had always been the most beautiful creature in existence to him and it was hard not take in the subtle changes in her hair and color of her eyes as they held each others' gaze.
He suggested something chocolate and when she agreed to at least that, Tristan wore a more genuine smile. Although the two were no longer a romantic pairing and hadn't been for years, Addie was still the person that he had imprinted on after his transformation and there would always be that bond between them. There would always be a level of responsibility and a need to take care of her in whatever small ways she would allow him to do so.
"Good, how about some chocolate cream pie?" he suggested. "Or maybe one of those lava cake things?" He raised an eyebrow as she stated that she didn't mind waiting for him to order and eat since he was probably starving. He was hungry but he had no intention of eating in front of her if she was unwilling to eat as well. "Nah, I'm alright. You order your chocolate something."
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