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[OS] These Lungs Have Sung This Song for Too Long
PERMALINK // POSTED ON: Oct 24 2013, 07:28 PM
There was never a shortage in places where Mackenzie was welcome to go to escape whatever was going through something especially challenging. There was the house that she shared with her adoptive parents that she called home, Jacob and Renesmee's home that was always over populated with their many spawns, Ragan's now-empty apartment that the angel using his body seemed uninterested in staying in and now her uncle Bradley's home, to which she had a key of her own.
Four keys to four hide outs because each and every single person living in those four houses knew about the things that Mackenzie had to go through on a daily basis. Life didn't like to take it easy on her for some reason or another... and it liked to make that public knowledge each and every single time.
It was impossible to suffer in silence when everyone knew her business. Even just staying in her bedroom for a day raised red flags and had her mother checking in on her every once in a while, but that was a mother's job and Mackenzie could never hold that against Norah. She had everything she could possibly want; a child and a husband, but sometimes the perfect life that she had wanted for herself derailed and she struggled to find balance. Mackenzie wouldn't' lash out over that.
She tried to be perfect in most areas; she had flawless grades in school and she never went out with friends to do idiotic things like drink or use drugs. She respected curfews, she rarely mouthed off to her parents and as a result, she had never had to endure a grounding before in her life. Sometimes it felt as if that hard work was all for nothing... it went noticed, sure, but what did it change at the end of the day? What did it hold together?
It was idiotic to hold onto a single future and Mackenzie knew that. Life was always subject to change, but there was no bigger, brighter picture that she clung to. The only thing that she wanted was to be happy; the white picket fence and everything else that came along with that hardly mattered to her. Where she lived, family finances, pets, cars... none of those things mattered at the end of the day so long as she had family. At the end of the day, that was the only thing that she had ever really wanted, and for some reason it seemed to be the one thing she was always denied. Or so it felt.
Tragedy didn't discriminate. Mackenzie had long since accepted that and she knew that there was nothing that she had done to merit the death of both of her biological parents. Her biological mother had been bitten by a werewolf and instead of seeking help - not something many would do without a grasp on the supernatural world - she had kept it hidden until she had fallen victim to the change and had murdered Mackenzie's father while trying to turn him.
Mackenzie had endured the chance at the age of seven, but had ended up losing her mother when a hunter had stepped in to put the werewolves down. It wasn't a shock to Mackenzie that she hadn't been killed alongside her mother; not many cold murder a child, supernatural or not. Still, she had been left in the woods for dead but she was more of a survivor than they had anticipated.
Maybe that was her big mistake. Maybe she had been meant to die in those woods, alongside her mother. They had once been a unit; a complete puzzle and then out of nowhere, she had been the only remaining piece. Puzzles couldn't exist with only one piece... and no puzzle piece could fit into another picture no matter how hard you tried to force it.
Italy was supposed to be brilliant. New culture, new social standards, new scenery... it was meant to be their family's fresh start, but it seemed as though they had all lost themselves along the way and it seemed as though there wasn't much left to say in that regard. Things had been falling apart for a long, long time now and no matter how hard their little family unit tried, they couldn't keep everything together. Mackenzie felt as though everything was slipping through her hands, and she was finding herself terrified about how everything was going to end.
It wasn't just like the movies, after all. When something happened to her family or because of her family, you couldn't just run out the front door after them in the pouring down rain. They wouldn't turn around, realize the faults at hand and collapse into your arms with vows to right things. The rain didn't soak through your clothes, down to your skin because unlike the movies? You stopped feeling anything at all a long time ago.
The only thing to do was to try and grab at the frays and more times than never, that didn't get you anywhere. Things just grew further and further out of reach until you're standing on the tips of your toes, grasping for something that hardly even exists anymore. The only thing left is realizing that all you have is to walk away from the one thing you thought would never leave you.
Everything was supposed to be give and take. Not take until everyone took the very best of her to the point that there was little left to salvage. To the point that everything from then on out was nothing more than numb. Still, she had continued to stand by while everyone around her wished everything away out of anger, sadness, frustration... but why? So that they could someday brag about the fact that they had once had a mess of a girl that had never stopped loving them?
Laying there on her bathroom floor, Mackenzie wanted to laugh at that thought so, so badly. Was that what the better half of the population was to the others? Were they nothing more than the stories you laughed about at work parties alongside co-workers? Boasting about the flawless significant other and the perfect children... faking smiles the entire time that rang as condescending.
Mackenzie didn't want to be a story. The little girl that had found the supernatural couple, the honor student that had made her parents proud with her dedication to her academics and extracurricular activities... The loving, understanding girlfriend that continued to endure demon possessions and angel possessions so that her boyfriend could feel some sense of self-retribution.
She was expected to be everyone's story, but what about hers? What about the boyfriend that had chosen her over the need to play the hero for a change? The father that just for once could spend the day laughing and not spend his time lashing out at everyone around him. Hell, even just trying to get help, but no, they couldn't do that... It wasn't their price to pay.
But it was hers. Time and time again she gave everyone everything that she had and each time that she screamed out that there was nothing left to take, someone found something else to rob her of. It was her fault at the end of the day; she knew that. She had been so damn naive... and she had let herself down because of that.
And maybe that was her final thought. Maybe that's how it should have been from the beginning; at the end of the day, it wasn't those around her that had let her down. Not her biological parents, not some hunter in the middle of the woods, not her adoptive parents... she had let herself down. She should have been stronger. She should have worked to pick up the pieces quicker...
But nobody was perfect.
A thought only further proven by the teenager stooping to taking her own life. A cliche that she didn't even tiptoe around properly. Females were more inclined to overdose on pain killers, alcohol or some other form of medication. They didn't like the sight of blood which Mackenzie had always found to be strange. Suicide was a 'way out' for so many; to stop life from taking anything else from them, let they allow some medication or other intoxicating substance take their life rather than do it themselves. Mackenzie wasn't scared of blood; she had bled a hundred times over at the hands of others. Bleeding from self-inflicted wounds wasn't much different.
Her fingertips stung from just how cold her body had gotten so quickly; it was almost a relief to feel something that strong. It felt like a lifetime since she had let herself feel much of anything at all, and she had never minded the cold. She ran in the freezing cold weather, she jumped into freezing cold water during swim meets... on some level, those were the times when she had felt the most alive, so maybe it was fitting, after all.
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