Sera felt a sickness stirring inside her as she took the slow steps to where she would be meeting her ex-husband. She tried not to let it show on her face, but she knew inside there was a whirlwind of emotions. She had been dreading this moment since Karsten asked her if they could. If she could of found a way out of it, she would have in a heartbeat. But she knew that he deserved better then her running away from this.
No matter what he or anyone thought of her, she didn’t not take her kids to Seattle to spite him. In truth she didn’t even fully process it until after they were there. All she saw was a better future and life for her children. Seattle had her at a higher paying job with her partner Vince. It had better schools, better daycares, better secondary education. And for a family of elementals…it was the perfect place to live.
She knew that her one-mindness had hurt Karsten, but that had never been her intuition in all this. She was just trying to be a good mother, she was trying to give her kids the life that she never had when growing up. But the act was already done, and she would face him and this with her head high and handle it one step at a time.
It hadn’t been very easy though. She wasn’t blind or stupid, she read the veiled comments that he posted online, to one of friends on that. But she didn’t say a word, never uttered a grievance, or disagree with his statements. She just went on trying to handle the stress and guilt that stirred inside of her with every word.
It reminded her far too much of the way her divorce happened as well. While neither one of them said anything in public to each other about it, Sera had to read what Karsten said about how it hurt and effected him online. And that was his right, to talk to someone, to express his feelings, she would never hold that against him. But it just made the guilt even harder for her to swallow, over something she shouldn’t feel guilty about. She never talked about that though. She wouldn’t make him feel like he couldn’t have feelings.
Now she was walking into this meeting prepared for his anger and to be yelled at. And she would take it, she wouldn’t fight that anger, and she’d let him have it at her. It was everyone’s right. But she wouldn’t let this make her bow her head. She was too stubborn and strong to let the feelings crush her. Not when she had much more shit then this rattling around inside of her. She could survive her past, she could survive her present, and she would survive this, and hopefully make both their situations better.
She could see him across the way with ease, recognizing him instantly. She walked silently until she was standing next to him, hands stuffed into her jean pockets. Her badge clipped on her belt where it normally rested, a familiar item in an unfamiliar situation. ”Hey”
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The best of times, the worst of crimes, @Sera Vesta
PERMALINK // POSTED ON: Jan 11 2018, 11:05 PM
they never get far
A CIRCUS AINT A LOVE STORY
Broken. Of all the emotions that Karsten felt right now, broken was the strongest one at the forefront of his heart. At a close second was anger. Karsten had always felt very strongly. Even as a human, he had never had much emotional stability. Now that he was a vampire...Everything was amplified.
Broken. To have everything and everyone you love just stripped away from you without warning, without any say in the matter, it could break even the strongest person, but it was no secret that Karsten Roth wasn't the strongest. His PTSD assured him of that. So this...His ex-wife taking his three kids and herself and just taking off, abandoning him...
Anger. There was no warning. None. He had gone to the station to give her something that Seren had left at his house, one of his important, can't-sleep-without-it safety toys, only to be told that she'd just moved to Seattle. They all had - Sera, Vince, Claire...The rage he had felt, the confusion, the heartbreak. It had culminated in some not-so-great reactions including a busted wall (luckily he had made it to his apartment for that), a few anxiety attacks, and finding food that was not on the list of lawful ways to eat. Apparently it didn't even matter.
At least Sam had given him a heads up that he would be leaving and had referred him to someone else, who had given him advice on how to contact an attorney and his legal rights in the situation. He may not have any custody rights to the girls, which broke his heart more than he'd ever say-he did have rights to his son, and there was no way in hell he'd let Seren grow up without a father like he had.
So that's how he found his way to Seattle, not much in his bank account, no job or apartment but with the determination to regain custody of Seren. And not just partial but full. Sera was lucky that he didn't charge her for kidnapping, but he wasn't destructive. He loved her and while she broke him, he would not do the same to her. He had to be better than that.
And then Ella had gotten hurt, and his anger turned to fear. He hadn't been there. He had been so consumed with his anger that he hadn't even told his daughters he was in Seattle. He had wanted to calm down first. But then she got shot, and what would she think? That he didn't care, that he wasn't there, that he wasn't around...All he wanted was to be there for them, to be a good dad. And he couldn't even do that right.
Now that Ella was healing fine and out of the woods, he could calm down a little, but that didn't temper his anger and pain any. In fact, it made him even more determined to succeed in this endeavor.
That's why he invited Sera out to talk. He didn't want to involve the kids in this because he wasn't sure how it would get; not that it would get violent but raised voices tended to upset Seren and the girls. Besides, the park was a neutral place. The National Park was beautiful, to boot.
So there he sat, waiting for her to get there. He had his elbows on his knees, his arms flexed as he sat there. He was getting a little better with his PTSD anxiety attacks. Now that he was in Seattle, he was back to talking to Sam Wilson, and this goal, this new purpose, kept his anxiety at bay.
PERMALINK // POSTED ON: Feb 7 2018, 02:20 PM
they never get far
A CIRCUS AINT A LOVE STORY
There were many things that triggered Karsten's PTSD. Loud noises. Fireworks. Crowded spaces. Bags left in the middle of the sidewalk/building. Sometimes the excited screams or cries of little kids did it, too, though it was a miracle that he never had any kind of reaction when his little son Seren cried out. Maybe it was because he recognized his voice and knew it was not, indeed, the screaming child of someone who got killed on the battlefront.
Those triggers made him feel that he was back in the warzone, back with a gun in his hand as he fought for whatever they were told that day. They reminded him that he had his leg blown off, reminded him of the pain that followed in the coming months, and then, much later, the pain of the transformation into a vampire. Those were all reactions that he was still learning to control - deep breathing exercises, self-talk, reminding himself where he was physically.
But this was a different reaction, a different trigger. Hearing Sera's voice brought him back to when things were good, to when he was happy, and he didn't know what to do with that. He wasn't sure if they would ever get to a point of being back together no matter how hard he wanted it, how much he missed her, how much he longed to have her and their family back in his life the way they had been. But try telling his heart that.
He silently cursed himself. All she had said was hey. Seriously, the lamest greeting got him all nostalgic and sad? Get your shit together, Roth. His inner self-talk made him cringe. He had thought he was doing something special by changing his name to hers when they got married- after all, she was the independent one, the one who deserved to keep her name. His name meant nothing to him, but she did. Of course, it was only a big deal that Grant had done it, and it was, but just add that to his list of insecurities.
Sighing, he sat up, clearing his head of the distractions his mind attempted to create. He opened his mouth and closed it again, unsure what to even say. His first instinct was to reach up and touch her, but he controlled himself, remembering the anger and hurt that he felt and that had not gone away despite the effect she had on him.
"You left." Okay, not quite the greeting he had intended on, but there it was. Straight to the point. "I went to bring you something to the station and they said you had left. That like...everyone left. I mean...am I really that..." Bad of a father? He couldn't finish that question, because honestly he didn't want to hear the answer. He sighed again and ran a hand over his face. He wanted to look at her, but knew that if he did he'd lose any and all resolve he had left.
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